Leisure & Wellness

Asking for myself because I just turned 30 a few months ago and I am definitely lacking in the friends department.

Making friends when we were younger vs now.

It used to be so easy to make friends when I was kid and teenager and even in my early college years, I had lots of friends.

But I imagine a lot of that was due to proximity. Most of our life was in close proximity of our peers in school, and extracurricular activities for over 40 hours a week. So in that respect during that phase in my life I had a lot in common with the people that I was within arm’s reach of.

We were all new to life going through so many changes as adolescence between puberty, school, our love lives that were convinced were very serious at the time, trying to be independent of our parents before any of us were probably actually ready for in hindsight.

But as life went on and that proximity was going away we started to do this thing where we started growing up becoming individuals with our own thoughts and opinion on the world, trying to figure out who we were, what we liked, who we liked, and where we wanted to go.

So the more we learn about ourselves the more we have an idea of who doesn’t belong on the rest of our journey.

So over the years you lose people or friendships fade out when you stop having those things in common that you once did or stop being in proximity. A lot of things could have happened between then in now.

All I know is as an adult making friends is so hard.

Without being in a community that you know for a fact that you have things in common with combined with the lack of hours being in proximity with people with shared interest makes it even worse because now as an adult we spend so much time at work, we hardly get the time to socialize.

We now have to search for the time. Unlike school that came with niche activities, clubs, sports, organizations that you can join to engage with peers you share interest with, you’re just working and going home.

When I was in school I was apart of so many clubs and sports it got to the point where it was so hard to keep track of me. The questions from my friends to others went: Where’s Kristian? Have you seen Kristian? and the replies would be like, Oh she’s probably at the SGA meeting or the 100 strong women’s club or Lacrosse practice or Volleyball or Softball and so on. I met so many people this way although that wasn’t my goal at the time it helped me meet a lot of people.

At the time the only thing I wanted was to engage in as many activities as I could before I graduate. And I succeeded, don’t believe me? check out my yearbook, it’s full of pictures of me with all the people I met a long the way.

But back to business you see even now as I’m writing this im relearning how I made friends as a teen. And I’ll be implementing it into my journey this year.

So let’s make this a challenge for ourselves…and don’t worry I’m going to be doing this too.

Let’s be intentional, Let’s…

Make A New Friend

1. Think about some interests that you have now and maybe some you had growing up that you loved maybe it’s time to revisit them.
2. Look for some clubs to join based on your interests. I’m currently finding clubs on the website MeetUp. You can find all kinds of clubs for all kinds of things. I joined meetup recently and have found some clubs near me I’m interested in. There are even virtual meetups if you don’t have the time or maybe your nervous about going in person. Oh and don’t forget to check social media too.
3. Consistency: One thing I have learned in life through past relationships, friendships, work etc. is if you want anything to grow and get better at anything in life you have to be consistent. So show up as often as you can and don’t use the rain as excuse or you don’t feel like it. Remember in order to make a great friend you also have to be one you wouldn’t want someone to keep making those excuses to not hang out with. When your deciding about whether you go or not pretend it’s someone really blowing you off can you imagine having a friend constantly not hanging out with you because they don’t feel like it or because of the rain, or they rather keep staying in? You would start to think they didn’t want to be your friend.
4. Reciprocate: I can’t tell you how many people I let go of in my life for lack of reciprocation. Be kind and supportive to people but also make sure your getting that in return otherwise is it really a friendship if just one of you is taking and just one of you is giving.
5. Be curious: Actually want to get to know people but don’t interrogate them like you work for the FBI or something because that’s weird. I’m personally a private person and I hate when people pry too much into sensitive information.

• But start small if you’re at a club meeting engage with them in conversation about your shared interests. For example, if you’re at a book club meeting, maybe ask them about their favorite authors, their favorite books growing up, what they are excited about reading next, or what got them interested in joining a club versus just reading at home. Getting curious about other people’s interests helps to engage with them, show them your interested in learning more about them.

You can have all the success in the world more money than you can count but trust me when I say it means nothing without great people to share your life with.

I would trade in the mind numbing job making lots of money for making less money with my passion and have great people around. Now that is a life where I am the richest I’ll ever be.

So Let’s Do It ! Let’s build a community

I had someone tell me before “it’s about quality not quantity” though were not friends anymore it’s still a very valuable message. But remember to uphold standards and boundaries. Because it’s better to be alone to be in bad company.

So what would you look for in a friend?

I know what I would look for… I would want a friend that I have some shared interests with but also have some of there own that could tell me all about.

• Someone that I can trust and depend on. Someone I can trust when I’m not around.

• Someone that reciprocates by showing up for me as much as I show up for them.

• Someone I can call up and we can chat about nothing or anything for hours or a few minutes.
• Someone I can do even the boring things with like run errands.
• Someone I can sit in silence with and it’s not awkward.
• Someone that will want to go on trips with me and have a blast whether were staying in a hostel or a fancy hotel and do all the adventuress excursions without chickening out. And doesn’t mind doing what the local do instead of touristy things sometimes.
• Someone that is considerate with how that speak to me and speak of me.
• Someone i can be myself around and completely unmask without them feeling like im too much or not enough.
• Someone kind that treats people with genuine respect.
• Someone that doesn’t insult you and say there joking because ” all jokes have some truth to it” said by another person I crossed paths with.
• Someone who doesn’t mind growing or changing for the better. We can all be better people some how some way. I don’t care much for people that are stuck in their ways
• Someone that respects your boundaries.
• Someone that when you let them know that they are doing something that you don’t like or that is hurtful to you they actually stop and reevaluate their actions towards you. Having genuine concern about hurting you. Because for me it hurts me to know I am hurting someone I care about and want people in my life that feel the same way and are willing to correct their actions.

I’d like some platonic soulmates if you will.

Like Turk and J.D from scrubs or Meredith and Cristina from Grey’s Anatomy (my person), Corey and Shawn from Boy Meets World were friends that really had each others back and those types of friends are hard to come by.

I’m back in school now but virtually so once I finish midterms in a few weeks I’ll be starting this challenge. But don’t wait for me if you have the time get started as soon as you can.

Forming relationships take time. So I’m going to give myself a year and were going to circle back in a years time to see how things went.

In no way am I am expert I’m learning just as you are.

So comment down below when you get started. Update us, let us know how it’s going. I’ll be posting updates along the way.

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